[Preface: This post will make much more sense if you read THIS post first that I wrote a couple days ago]
Lexia replied to the post I had made in reply to her expression of frustrations with certain habits in Christianity. Then, she decided in order to fully explain where she was coming from, she needed to share a back story of her past. Once again, because it is a private blog she’s posting on and I don’t have permission to link you straight there, I am going to copy paste her story here because I would love to also open up my heart and share a confession story I too have been sitting on for years:
Lexia’s post:
i was 12 years old and sitting in my home economics class in the small town we had recently moved to a year before. i was sitting at a table, the long square rectangle table, facing the door, with my best friends, Kelly, Rebecca, Kayla, Jesse, and Ashley. I think we were sewing pillows, although i cant quite remember now.
I’m not sure how it started. i dont know if i mentioned something about my brothers, if the topic of Christianity was brought up, or going to church, or what. but i do remember the moment my skin became flushed, i became hot, my heart started pounding and my legs started to shake. i do remember Rebecca standing up from her chair and telling me that i was going to go to hell. i do remember looking at the rest of the class and seeing that they were sitting in their chairs quietly watching this happen. i remember my home economics teacher sitting in her chair intently watching without interfering as the most pivotal point of my life was occurring.
she just watched it happen. never.said.a.word.
Rebecca and kayla said that because my brothers choose to be gay, they are going to burn in hell. i simply stated that of course they didnt CHOOSE to be gay, they just are. have always been. i didnt know any different… and was actually confused why anyone would say they had CHOSEN to be the way they are.
Ashley and kelly chimed in, saying that it was because my mom was a terrible mother, her parenting skills lacking for not taking us to church, to exposing us to the word of god. and for that, we’d all burn in hell.
They stood up, they started yelling at me…. i shook in my chair. they said they wouldnt associate with the devil, and evil like me. they said that they were on God’s side, and that they would no longer be friends with me because i didnt go to church.
they told me that i would be an alcoholic and pregnant by the time i was 15.
Jesse finally said something, told them they were being ridiculous, how could they do this to me?
she was the only.person. who said anything in my defense.
i left the room, i was shaking so hard i couldnt drink from the water fountain. i was sick… i left school and walked up to the dance studio where my mom was.
i was 12, i had no reference points. i asked her why my brothers were going to hell if they were gay? what in the world? i was so confused! everyone said they CHOSE to be gay? my world was literally flipped over, i had no idea how christianity viewed homosexuals. in my house we were immediately taught acceptance and that everyone is different and that my brothers attraction to men was no different than my attraction to men. people are attracted to different types of people. thats it, no big deal, no discussion, no confusion…. it was just as simple as you liking the color red and me the color blue. so to be thrown in this pit of fire all the sudden, by my best friends in one of the most impressionable years of my life, absolutely ROCKED.MY.WORLD. to hear someone say that my mother was a horrible parent, the mother that i absolutely adored and loved…. it shook me to the core.
this was the first time i had experienced what Christianity had to offer. on occassion, i had been to church with one of my friends, and the entire time i had felt scared and totally out of the loop. they were chanting these things of words i didnt know, talking in weird sentences using phrases and words that were unfamiliar, and there was all this business about kneeling and then sitting, and then standing, and then going up for communion…. which i did…. because i only knew to follow whatever they were doing. i felt on edge and alert the whole time, and felt so excluded because it seemed everyone knew what to do except me.
so, my two experiences with christianity up until that point had been….. terrifying. soul shaking, mind altering, gut sinking.
After the episode in home economics, i became a different person. i no longer had any friends (although Jesse was still nice to me, but from a distance), and my locker was broken into and stuff thrown about the hall. Kelly started a rumor that i fingered myself (i didnt know what masturbation even was at that point), and when i walked into the gym during a basketball game she got the entire bleachers – at least half the student body- to wave their fingers at me, and yelled out “HEY FINGERS! YOU CAN GO SIT OVER THERE!” humiliation was her weapon, and she absolutely used it to perfection.
we had to move. we left the state, and i never looked back.
i know i’m supposed to forgive and forget, and i understand why kayla and rebecca said the things they did. they were using the teachings of their church to try and better themselves, mistakenly putting someone else down in the process. they must have just gotten done with the chapter on homosexuals when they turned it on me.
but i have never been able to get over my anxiety around churches or christianity. it is something i will likely never be able to be comfortable around, or in. my defenses go up, and the 12 year old me wants to run in the other direction, away from the ‘mean girls’. Logically, i KNOW that churches arent like that (at least most) and the people aren’t like that (at least most) but i can not help how i feel. it is what it is. i literally feel more comfortable in a muslim moque or a jewish synagogue than in a christian church. When i’m in a church, i feel like someone is going to quickly figure me out, be able to ‘see’ that i am not a christian, and see that i dont belong. they’re going to see that i have homosexuals in my family, and that my kids dont know who Jesus is. i’m going to answer a question incorrectly, someone will point and shout “TRAITOR!” and i will have to run for my life.
panic panic panic. that is how i feel.
a friend of mine posted the article i wrote below, about Should Christian Women Wear Bikinis, on her blog to further the discussion. many people posted lots of amazing and well put comments, but one really got to me. i’m going to share it anonymously:
I do believe as Christians we live to a standard set apart from what the general population (those who have not chosen, or choose not to call on Jesus as Lord). If there is no difference, we aren’t following God’s command to be set apart. We DO speak differently, act differently, dress differently, think differently, because CHRIST is our standard and not the world.
Oh my. maybe she didnt think i would read it. or maybe she didnt think there was anything wrong with how she said that. i’m going to seriously ruffle some feathers here… ready? i’m going to just change the word “christians” to “white” and “the general population” to black, to utilize my same color analogy that i did in my previous article. see if it reads slightly more different to you now:
I do believe as Whites we live to a standard set apart from what the Blacks (those who have not chosen, or choose not to call on Jesus as Lord). If there is no difference we aren’t following God’s command to be set apart. We DO speak differently, act differently, dress differently, think differently, because CHRIST is our standard and not the world.
do you catch my drift? does it read………. slightly more…. segregated now? slightly more …. elitist?
If she means she speaks differently because she uses phrases from the bible in her daily speech then YES, she is different from me. if she means she thinks differently than me because she is thinking about God and Jesus during the day, then yes, she is different from me.
but ACT differently?! in what way? please, go into further explanation. I follow ‘christian’ morals, just like christians do. i teach my children to follow them too. we hold kindness and compassion above all else.
And DRESS DIFFERENTLY?! is there a Christian clothing store i am not aware of? am i shopping at the Agnostic clothing store without realizing it? From what i know, non-believers and believers alike shop at Target….
BY THE FREAKING WAY….. I WEAR A ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
phew. there i said it. i do… because i LIKE being modest. not because Jesus tells me to, but because, ITS COMFORTABLE. because i am a mother. because i already have a husband and dont need to be parading around in front of other guys in a bikini. because i’m a mom, and i dress appropriately for a woman of my age. but if i feel like wearing a bikini, i damn well do it because i want to.
So please… do not evangelize while at the same time use terminology and phrases that exclude more than they include. that is all that i ask.
we are all the same, we are all…. “God’s children”
Sophia’s Reply:
Lexia, can I just repeat once again how much I absolutely love you. I like to live my life like an open book and really don’t have any secrets hidden away. The one story that’s been a secret for a long time I’m about to share with you.
Thank you so much for opening up your heart and your past in sharing that. I happened to be at Esther’s house when you posted it and we read it together. We were both choked up and honestly speechless (and considering the fact that you know how big of chatterboxes Esther and I are, that’s saying a lot). My heart breaks for your 12 year old self when I read this. I want so badly to give her a hug and tell her it’s all going to be okay.
I wish I could say this never happens and is a fluke of an incident regarding Christianity, but I know it’s not. You’re not the first person to tell me they won’t have anything to do with evangelical Christians because they were once told they were going to burn in hell as a child. Rather than elaborate on how I disagree with this, I will provide you this link to a post I wrote in April that explains very well my thoughts on this type of behavior and theology.
I agree with you that we can’t help the way we feel. It’s out of our control. I was recently filling up my gas tank and somehow got a whiff of something that sent my mind to the streets of New York and for several seconds my brain relived dozens of small memories walking the sidewalks of the busy streets with cars racing by. Of course New York smells like gasoline, and I cannot control my brain to disassociate these thoughts. So for you to say that walking into a church (which considering you’re a wedding photographer, happens on a fairly regular basis) or meeting someone who says they’re a Christian makes you relive those emotions in your past, is completely understandable.
You said yourself you know you need to forgive them, and that is the point I wanted to touch on. As mentioned before, it’s so important to separate God/Jesus from people/religion. SUCH, SUCH, SUCH different things. They are the product of religion, and unfortunately the adults in their life didn’t educate them enough on loving others. They were trying to manipulate them into “good behavior” by scaring them with the consequences of “bad behavior.” But I would imagine that somewhere out there, the adult version of Kelly is sick to her stomach with regret knowing how wrong what she did was.
I know it’s not on as grand of a scale as what you experienced but I spent FIVE years reliving an emotion of guilt and regret EVERY SINGLE DAY until I confessed what I had done to a friend and she helped walk me through the emotions I was feeling and helped me to forgive myself. In the “Christian language” you will hear people say that we are not to judge “the world” for their actions and behaviors because they don’t know any better because they’re not Christians and God will be their judge. But Christian-to-Christian we are supposed to hold each other accountable and point out to our fellow-Christian when they are doing something wrong. (Please don’t misunderstand me, I do believe that if we are a loving friend and we care about them and see them walking down a dangerous path or making a mistake it is our responsibility to talk to them about it, but there are good and bad ways to approach these situations)
Another rule in the Christian religion is that Christians are not to date non-Christians. There is a verse about being “unequally yolked” that you will hear them talk about to explain why they teach this. In high school I held very steadfast to this rule and would not even allow myself to have a crush on a guy who wasn’t a Christian, which made my options very, very limited. There was one “Christian” guy at my school that everyone knew Sophia had a crush on for four years. But what’s really bad is that I really only had a crush on him freshman and some of sophomore year. Then because he didn’t go to the same kind of church I did and wasn’t being taught these crazy restrictions I was, he started to change. The next three years weren’t really a crush. They were an infatuation Sophia had with trying to make this “Christian” person realize the error of his ways and become more “Christian” like me so his life could be straight. (Side note: he was a super nice, great guy who was a completely normal teenager and had a good, solid head on his shoulders and really didn’t need changing)
My obsession with trying to fix him peeked towards the end of senior year when he was in a relationship with a girl who wasn’t Christian and I just saw sin all over this situation. By this time I actually had my eyes on a guy in my youth group and wasn’t even trying to date this guy because he wasn’t Christian enough for me anymore. But wanting him to realize the error of his ways, I created an anonymous email address and sent him an email telling him all the things I wanted to say about how sinful his relationship was. AHHHH!!! I get so mad at myself every single time I think about this! His reply was directed right at me because obviously he knew there was no one else in the world who would do this and he made it very clear that I was not welcome in his life anymore, there was no friendship to speak of, and he had no intentions of every acknowledging my presence in a room again because after years of him tolerating this attitude of mine I had gone way too far. I deserved every word in the email. I cried for hours that night. I knew what I had done was so wrong that I wouldn’t even tell anyone what happened. I was so embarrassed.
To be honest, I don’t even remember what happened in the months to follow, it’s all so cloudy. I remember writing a long apologetic email, but I don’t even remember if he read or replied to it. I remember a month or so after that writing up an apology letter again and printing it out and handing it to him one of the last couple days of high school. I don’t remember a word of what was in either one. Then I remember that when I went up to visit friends at his university he came and hung out with us, which means I guess we became friends again? And then I remember that I invited him to my wedding and he came.
But can I confess something else? On my wedding video there is footage of us dancing together and I remember that very clearly. I remember that I was still so uncomfortable with how much I hated myself and the four years of things I said and did that I dreaded dancing with him. I remember it lasted about 30 seconds and then I saw a friend’s 6 year old little boy and used him as my scapegoat to get out of this awkward moment for me. Then, even though we remained Facebook friends, we haven’t seen each other in person in over five years and until last month because of a random Facebook thread, had not even had a conversation. I intentionally ran away–no idea whether he did or not.
As I matured and realized how small of a box my brain lived in, how big and beautiful the world was, and how amazing all people of all walks of life were, I hated so much about who I once was. I was a Bible-thumping teenager. My friends from high school tell me that yes I was the “Christian-girl” in high school but I was very nice and overall pretty well liked and needed to stop worrying about what I said or did. I guess the reason it’s so much worse in my mind is that they don’t know what went through my brain at all times. They don’t know that on the first day of freshman year I wore a Christian t-shirt about Jesus being a lifeguard here to rescue us from hell and that I took my first step off the bus seeing the school as my mission field and that I was going to “save” everyone. And that for four years I saw the world as “them” and “us.” Christians who “got it” and everyone else who was sinful and needed to be taught the right way of living.
Please understand that my brain doesn’t operate this way anymore. Years ago I started praying that God would help me to see all people the way he sees them, and I still pray this very regularly. I see only beauty in every person I meet. I truly believe everyone is good because we were all created in the image of God, but in this world of good vs evil we are all constantly battling internally. Some good people make really, really bad decisions that hurt lots of people because somehow in their mind they convinced themselves they were doing the right thing. In the story I shared with you, I honestly believed I was doing the right thing, even though it may be the most judgmental decision I have ever made.
I shared this story with you for two reasons. One, you opened up a painful part of your past. I have held this story inside for a very,very long time so felt inspired to also open up a painful part of my past. And two, even though what they did was on such a grander scale, and much more public, the mentality behind it wasn’t that much different. “I know the right way of living and you don’t.” I thought maybe if I opened up and gave you a glimpse into what was possibly going through their mind, it may help you in the process of forgiving them. And something tells me that the adult versions of these girls probably feel the same guilt I did. I wish I was exaggerating when I tell you that I thought about that incident every. single. day. for five years. But I’m not. That means I felt the emotion of remorse at least 1,825 times. It was a weight on my shoulders every day until I finally opened up and told the story to someone who knew us both and she walked me through my emotions. Just letting it out of the closet (even though I cried the entire time I was telling the story) brought so much healing. You have obviously moved on, but maybe they haven’t. So we should pray for them that they will see how painful their actions were and find a way to forgive themselves knowing that you moved on and turned out pretty damn awesome.
There is only one step left, and probably the hardest. You need to come to a place where you are genuinely thankful for that experience. As hard as it was to live through, it made you who you are. No matter how painful our pasts are, they develop our character. And much more growth comes from the hard times than the good. I believe you will have fully arrived when you can look at that memory and feel gratitude that it happened to you, you overcame it, and it taught you something. Even though it created fear in your life, I bet it taught you to never treat others like that. I bet it taught you the harm in being close-minded. I have no idea what you learned from it, but it certainly impacted your character.
Lexia, you very well may be the only person to read this 3,809 word post, but that’s okay. I wrote it only to share my experience with you like you did with me, and to get something off my chest that sat there way too long. A year ago I was able to finally move on. I pray that you too will figure out how to fully heal from the experience and be able to move on so it is no longer a weight you are carrying on your shoulders.
Love you girlie. And totally loving this conversation we’re having.
Sophia and Lexia, you have spoken to me in numerous ways. Thank you both for sharing your thoughts, and experiences.
Love this Sophia. Thank you.
I’m sure I was one of the ones in high school you would have loved to save because we all know I had my issues. I always thought you were actually a very nice person who I generally liked and I’m glad I never had to experience the one on one tutoring because I’m sure that would have totally changed my opinion of you.
Unfortunately, however, I think you are few and far between. You said “I would imagine that somewhere out there, the adult version of Kelly is sick to her stomach with regret knowing how wrong what she did was.” I bet you are wrong there. Its nice to HOPE that thats the case, but in all reality she is probablly still perpetuating the hate and “bad name” associated with “christian religion”. Mean is just mean, no matter what the reasoning or “good intentions” or “religion” used to justify it, and thats a personality trait takes a very serious life event to reform. Kelly just might work for fox news, or Michelle Bachman’s campaign, for all we know.
Thanks for sharing.
Summer….not gonna lie…this made me laugh out loud. But, regarding the Kelly thing, I am an eternal optimist and going to believe that Kelly knows she was wrong. She may still be mean to people, but generally, people who act this like are hiding something very painful in their own life. So I wouldn’t be surprised if Kelly hates herself for what she has done, whether or not she will ever let anyone know how she actually feels.
I’m sort of intrigued by all of the posts, as I read the previous as well. My concerns lie with Christians who start to conform to the ideals of “the world” now I’m stating that to exclude Christians, yes, but only in an attempt to show that being a Christian is a choice that sets us apart from the world in that instance only, that we choose to believe in God and we choose to follow the teachings of the bible. Not to say that Christians are better then those of the world, as we tend to choose things of worldly nature on a regular basis, but to say that yes, we are different in our beliefs, not how we look or what we choose to wear or drive or where we choose to live. We can coexist and never know a Christian for a non beliver if we choose to never ask or engage. My quirk is as believers in God, the bible, and Jesus as a way to a glorious eternity, we should be inviting those we love to have that same chance that we once didn’t have before God was a part of us. I have friends who are agnostic, Buddhist, atheist, and I LOVE them all no judgment on their choices, BUT I do cry writing this as I know I might not get to spend eternity with them. One day, we will all be faced with heaven, or hell, and I know where I am spending my eternity, why is it wrong for me to want that for the people I love and adore? And if I don’t stand up and profess to them what I believe and that I wish they would too, that is not at all a forceful statement, that is purely, and genuinely out of love! I am no better then anyone, a sin is a sin is a sin, I learned that young. I did NOT grow up in church, I am learning every day, but I do know that without God I would not be who I am or where I am. I have witnessed miracles in my life and God has provided for me and my family, why would I not share that? And why is it so offensive if I choose to? My point is this, there are extremes in every case, in every religion, In every walk of life, don’t let that ruin your view of a Whole group of people. People will always dissappoint you, that is for sure, we are imperfect, but we are built to be able to make our own choices, some choices are small and probably insignificant in the long run, but out of love, not judgement, I say, one choice will decide your eternity, and I assume along the way, those people who pray for you, slip in that prayer for your soul because they want to spend that eternity with you. Before I had God, truly had God in my life, I thought what is there after death? It can’t be nothing, just as I can’t believe this world came From nothing, now even if all of what I have devoted my life to is false, I have this sense of peace with eternity. If it really is nothing, what have I lost? If it really is something, thank God I made that choice.
Hi Christina!
I can truly appreciate what you’re saying and I thank you for contributing your input in this discussion. I think it’s SUCH an important conversation to be having, and I think the dialogue is beautiful. These thoughts I have shared in my last few posts have been things I have struggled with for years and have read several books on, spent hours and hours and hours on during my prayer and mediation time, and have developed a total peace with. So to be able to truly capture all my thoughts into a couple blog posts is nearly impossible. I think the fundamental difference between how I used to think and how I think now is that I am no longer living for the afterlife, but rather the here and now. I think the afterlife is something none of us have quite figured out, and the ideas of what heaven and hell may or may be like are unknown. Rather, I think the “great commission” and the message Jesus was trying to get across to us was that we are supposed to bring heaven to earth. The greatest commandment was “love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. And love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no way that our minds can fully capture the greatness of God’s love and understand what that will look like in the afterlife. My real reality check came when after reading so many of the scriptures on how Jesus wanted us to live, I found time and time again that non-believers walked the walk and set the example much better than believers. I was learning more about how to love unconditionally and have strong character from people who never stepped foot in a church. From people in the church, I was learning a lot of what not to do’s. That’s when I stopped looking at the world as us and thems. As small of a minor detail that it is (and I’m probably the only person who pays attention to it) I struggled for YEARS on what to make my description on Facebook under “Religious Views.” I didn’t want to be associated with the stereotypes of Christianity. Certainly didn’t want exclude myself to a denomination. But I didn’t want to leave it blank when my walk with God consumed so much of my life and my thoughts. For a long time I just had a bible reference up there, until I heard a statement that summed up what I was trying to say. “We are all spiritual beings having a human experience.” That’s what I believe to my core. We were created by God. We all have a soul. Our souls have been given this body and freewill to do with what we may. I believe in the teachings of Jesus. I certainly share them with everyone around me. But I want people to be attracted to my faith because of the unconditional love and the hope it brings. Life brings a lot of hells our way and we shouldn’t walk through them alone. But Jesus never attracted anyone to him out of fear because they were afraid that it was him or hell.
Hey girl! I def. Agree with a lot of that, and I think all of this needs to be talked about, but I feel like sometimes the world has all these advocates for different things, beliefs, affiliations, etc. And these groups can rally and picket etc. But as soon as Christians do it it is crazy extreme, etc. I’m just concerned that we have lost sight of What God has requested of us, to reach those who are lost, yes, as a Christian, your afterlife is neither here nor there, because you know no matter what, you believe Jesus died for your sins so you could have everlasting life, but a non believer does not have that guarantee. So what we do on earth is ultimately meaningless if we don’t have that guanrantee. I can’t raise my kids and think that when we pass there is nothing on the other side, so for me, i go back to eternity, as this life is so short. I hope what I do here is good in Gods eyes, and I am confident he will be proud, but after this….
Well said Christina.
There is much here in various posts in this thread that hurts my heart, and I don’t have the words to do any good, I fear. You all have my love and prayers.
I’m just going to ditto what Steve said, since anything I say seems to be destined to only be misrepresented. I can’t quite express the depth of sadness this conversation has left with me. I prayerfully wish you all well.
“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” – 1 Corinthians 1:18
I kind of wonder where these well meaning “Christians” from both of your youth are today. Are they still active in a church? Are they teaching children? Are they living lives outside of Christ? Unfortunately, your stories are not isolated incidents, but are in no way shape or form a full representation of Christians. To say this is to say that every Jew will try and manipulate you out of money, to say that every Muslim will try and blow you up and to say that every agnostic is indecisive and unable to make a claim on truth. These are all untrue statements. Are they true of some people in this group? Absolutely. Are they true of all of them? Absolutely not.
Christian means that you are a follower of Christ. No more, no less. I kind of wonder if the people that you are talking about from your earlier years have any sort of an actual relationship with Christ, or if they’re just claiming a faith that belongs to someone else? If you truly are a Christian, you do see people as Christ sees them, and yes sometimes that means that you see them as lost. I love Jesus so much, that I want everyone else to find this love that I have. That by no means involves me screaming “Sinner” at them. It simply involves me loving them like Jesus would and hoping that yes, they see something different in me and would love to find out more about that .
I think that in your core, you and I believe very very close to the same thing. All people can be good or bad, all people can love whole heartedly and deserve to be loved in the same way, sins or not. I think the difference comes in in how we relate to other believers. I am not intimidated by being associated with other Christians, but instead strive to prove to people that those who truly love Jesus are different. They serve a different master. There is in fact something that’s worth having in Jesus that’s better then anything in this world. If we act like that, and call ourselves Christians, people can’t help but see the difference and eventually grow to understand that there are those that are in Christ who can truly love. When you say that you are a believer in Christ but are not a Christian it still creates an us and them mentality. It still creates an idea that you are essentially yelling “Sinner” at anyone who calls themselves a Christian (I fully understand thats not what you’re saying, but it is the same concept, you are saying that you are better and know something they don’t or at the very least are making better choices then they would).
As fas as the comment about Christians being different…and then turning it into a racial issue? Sometimes things just are different. You choose to be a follower of Christ or not, you do not pick your race. I’m really not sure how that was even a valid argument on this comment.
I genuinely appreciate hearing about your experiences and hearing about how you identify yourself. It makes me understand those that refuse to identify themselves as Christ followers (Literal translation of Christian) apart from those who say they love Jesus and follow his moral code but are not Christ followers. Do you believe that serving Christ is the only way to get to heaven or do you follow a different belief system on heaven and hell? (please know that was not meant as a sarcastic question but as a genuine, information seeking question)
On a side note, I wear a 2 piece swimsuit…not a one piece…a tankini covers more and makes me feel sexier….I claim the name Christian and the desire to be a sexy woman all in the same breath.
I have to say that I found both the original post and the response to be somewhat disconcerting. I understand the disdain for the secret language of Christians. It’s the rest of it that I find offensive. Let me explain why:
How does a choice to believe in God relate to racism? The only thing I can think of is that you somehow equate Christians to the hatred of supremacists. Which says that you don’t understand, or care to understand, what was really being said. ALL religions call their believers to stand apart from the rest of the world. If, in your chosen religion you are not standing out or standing apart from the status quo, then you’re not really practicing what you preach. Again, that is ALL religions from Atheism, to Judaism, to Hinduism, to Santeria, to Christianity. How many Muslims do you know that drive cars with bumper stickers that read, “Coexist?”
You mentioned acceptance/inclusion and exclusion. This is also an area that most religions have in common. They all have their list of things that are acceptable and, when these things are infringed upon, exclude those who practice them. That is the difference between Christianity and other religions. We do have our list, as laid out in the Bible, of things that offend God. But we also recognize that we are all guilty of committing them. I am so sorry that you were exposed to, or were among, those that claim Christianity but obviously were not. However, I have a really hard time understanding how it makes a person somehow better to then trash Christians, thus committing the same crime that they are angry about.
It is so easy for us to leap to conclusions about an entire group of people based on a few experiences with some of them. But that is nothing more than a security blanket, an excuse to judge. And is that any better than what some people do in the name of their religions? Why is it acceptable to be judgmental about Christians, but unacceptable for Christians to be judgmental? What I’m reading is a double standard. I have always believed that if I am to hold another to a specific set of standards, I must be able to live up to them myself.
Wow. So much to digest here. I’ll start my saying that Lexia, I’m so sorry that you had such a horrible experience. If I had gone through that, I’m certain that I would feel the same way walking into a church as you do. I’m routinely ashamed by the actions of those who wear the name of Christ, though I’m also ashamed of my own actions sometimes, as well. I will also say that the twisted delivery of the Gospel by Christ’s followers does not change the actual message of the Gospel itself, which is that God sent His Son to die on the cross, as payment for our earthly sins, so that we can spend eternity with Him. It is God’s grace and love that I wish for you to experience, and I know that from where you’re sitting that looks impossible, and I don’t blame you. But I do hope that some day, you do experience that.
As Christians, we believe the Bible to be the Word of God, containing even the words of Jesus himself. In that Word, there are plenty of examples of God’s unending grace and love. At the same time, there are also clear examples of God’s call to us to live lives that are set apart from those who do not follow Christ. There’s simply no way around that…in certain ways, there are things that we are called to as followers of Christ. Does that mean I’m better than someone who doesn’t follow Christ? Of course not, because this isn’t about who is better. Salvation isn’t about superiority. It’s simply a question: do I believe that Christ died for my sins and my soul, and if I recognize that, do I choose to live my life according to that which He has called me to in His Word? That is what I have chosen. It doesn’t make me better than anyone, it just means that’s what I believe.
On a different note, when I say that I’m praying for someone, it’s more than “sending good thoughts and energy” their way. It means that I’m praying that God will intervene in their lives and circumstances, and deliver them from the trial that they are facing. I pray because I believe what the Bible says, that God hears, answers, and acts on our prayers. I’m not sure sending good vibes and thoughts toward people will change their circumstances, though it may very well help them feel better about them, which is indeed helpful. But as a Christian, when I pray for someone, it doesn’t have to be for their eternal salvation and repentance. But it is more than just hoping things get better for them.
I see what you were trying to go for with the racism analogy, but those two things are so much more complicated than that. Believing that Christians should live to a certain standard is quite different from denying blacks basic civil, human rights. Again, some Christians may make it seem that way, but that isn’t the message of the Gospel, nor was it what Lisa was saying in her post.
Lexia, I think it’s awesome that you follow raise your children morally, and just overall seem to be a really nice person. I don’t think there’s anyone saying that there’s anything wrong with that, nor are we saying that your moral living isn’t as good as “ours” simply because you’re not doing it for Jesus. Again, it’s not about superiority. It’s simply a question of belief, as I stated earlier. But by the same token, just because we choose live morally BECAUSE of what Jesus calls us to, doesn’t make us bad people, either.
As Christians, we are called to live our lives two-fold. Bring the Kingdom of God to Earth while we’re here, and by doing so, spend eternity in His heavenly kingdom when our souls depart this world. Those two are equally important.
These thoughts are starting to ramble, so I’ll stop for now, lol. I do enjoy these discussions, which I think are always healthier than keeping them under the surface.
So I am definitely a little late in responding to this- Sophia always teases me about being behind on her life due to my lack of a facebook account!
However, this post and the one before it really made me think I wanted to join the conversation.
First, and most importantly…Lexia- I am truly, deeply and beyond sorry for what happened to you- it broke my heart and I so wish that you had a different experience. I am so thankful that you were brave enough to share your story and that it touched Sophia enough to share it with us. It has challenged me and helped me to heal all at the same time.
As a child, I was your typical “church kid” and the majority of what I accepted to be true came from my sunday school class, religious parents, christian school teachers and church camp counselors. My friends were all from the same group and blindly accepted the same “truths” and rules to live by. Christianity was going to church, following the rules and accepting that Jesus loved me. I had a personal relationship with Christ, but it was limited to my maturity and understanding as a young girl. For the most part, I thought you just had to “follow the rules” and you would get your magic key to unlock the gates of heaven. You got bonus points if you wore shirts from the Christian book store and took the no dating pledge at the purity rally.
It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that I started to really love God- to embrace the relationship aspect. Jesus was no longer just the one I sang songs about or learned about in Sunday school- He was MY Jesus, my best friend, the one who loved me despite my (many) mistakes, the one who I could truly count on. The one I spent long nights crying to and being comforted by. Religion was no longer a long set of rules I had to abide by to be a “good christian”- it was the result of spending time with Jesus, studying his word, meditating on how much I loved him. Religion was now the result of my personal relationship with Jesus and the set of rules was no longer universal- it was ever changing based on conviction and learning. The rules didnt apply to anyone else-they were personal- only based on the things God was teaching me and showing me.
I grew up being told that character is defined by the things you do when no one is looking. I take that to mean that regardless of what your actions are- it’s the conviction and motivation behind them that really matters. At times, I believe that someone may be called by God to hold someone else accountable or to warn them- out of love- that the path they are heading down may be dangerous. However, I don’t believe that is something that should be done recklessly. It should happen as a result of conviction and prayer- not because someone isnt fitting the mold.
I guess all of this is to say that I believe-with everything that I am- that we will all be held accountable one day. I dont believe the accountability will be based on the choices we made, as much as it will be based on the motivation behind those choices.
I believe that Christian’s should be “set apart” in our actions- but only because our actions should be motivated by love for and belief in Christ. There is no getting around the fact that in that, we are different than someone who does not share those beliefs.
There are people who call themselves Christians who appear to follow all the rules, but don’t have a personal relationship with Christ and act our of fear or misunderstanding. There are people who have a relationship with Christ and are still figuring it all out- people who are navigating through the personal calling and way of living God has called them to- who dont always get it right. There are also amazing people who don’t believe in God who hold themselves to a higher standard of living because they believe in kindness and respecting others.
I’m sure this wasn’t exactly on topic, but these are the things that have been stirring inside of me since reading the first post. I truly appreciate everyones thoughts as they have challenged me more than you know!