My conversation with a naked stranger

Today I had a conversation with a stark naked stranger.

I was leaving for a luncheon just after 11:00 this morning. I walked down the stairs of our condo complex and just as I turned the corner I immediately made eye contact with a stark naked man in the parking lot. He was a skinny white kid probably in his mid-twenties. About five feet behind him was laying a pile of clothes.

I stopped dead in my tracks, as I was caught extremely off guard. This was our conversation:

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Why are you naked?”

“Because God told me to.”

“Ummmm….yeah….why are you naked!”

“I just told you. God told me to.”

I paused for a second wondering if this person was possibly a new neighbor.

“Do you live here?”

“No.”

“Okay, can you please put your clothes back on?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks. Okay. Well, you have a good rest of your day!”

He walked over to his pile of clothes and put his boxers and jeans on. Then he stood there in a total gaze. Just stood there like a statue.

I climbed in my car and picked up the phone to call Brandon who was inside our condo. “Babe! Go look out the window. There’s a guy in his jeans who was just naked!”

“Well, he’s naked again.”

“What! I just drove around the corner. He had to immediately have taken his clothes off again as soon as I drove away.”

I told Brandon about our conversation and then he said, “Well, I’m going to hang up with you and call the police now.”

The crazy part is I completely held my composure together and felt totally relaxed while having a conversation with a naked stranger. But as soon as I closed the door in my vehicle my legs were uncontrollably shaking and it was difficult to change gears because I could hardly control my legs.

I called my BFF Meryl who has a work-from-home job in Denver and I figured would answer the phone. I told her the whole story and we laughed very hard together. Then, she had me rolling laughing in tears to the point that my abs started to hurt when she pointed out a few things that never crossed my mind.

She said, “today I am going to go buy a keychain of pepper spray and mail it to you.” As she pointed out that for my own safety, it probably wasn’t in my best interest to have a conversation with the naked man. Especially considering all I had to do was turn around and in 20 seconds could have gotten my husband to come downstairs for my own protection, but instead I acted like this was no big deal.

Then she said, on top of that, I was much too nice. She said, “once again Sophia, you surprise with how much grace you choose to carry yourself with.” Why on earth were you so friendly with him? You told him to have a nice day? I would have said “what the *** are you doing? Go put your ***ing clothes back on or I will call the police.”

And then, most hilarious of all, she pointed out my constant obsession with the question “why?.” She said I always ask why. I have to try to know and understand everything. She reminded me of battles at on my wedding day with my mom when I insisted she explain to me why she was making certain decisions. And other times that I really go too far asking people about things. I informed her that in the 4^th grade I was definitely known as the annoying kid in class who asks way too many questions. And she said “Now Sophia, you have given me the absolute best story to reiterate my point that you are too curious for your own good. When you stumble upon a strange naked man the only thing you can think to say is to ask him is WHY?”

Hahahaha. It’s one of those life situations you just can’t plan or prepare for. Instead, you just laugh and are surprised at how you actually handle yourself with it happens to you.

[Just for you other curious folks out there. Brandon called the police who came pretty quickly. Three of them actually. The guy ran away when he saw them, leaving behind his pile of clothes and his vehicle. The police detained him and then drove back around with him in the back seat of the car to retrieve his clothes and vehicle. Clearly he was on some sort of drugs. If not drugs, then some mental switch flipped in his brain.]

 

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